Listen Up Mom

Dear Mom:

You know me, I know you. You are crazy sometimes singing songs, making up songs, always making "meow" "cheep" and "woof" noises, dancing about, spelling out words, who do you think you are? Here's the list of rules for making me happy.

1. Let's be honest, I like it all natural...no silicone nipps for me, I want the real thing.

2. Who told you I need vitamins everynight? Yuck! That stranger that makes me scream...Dr. Church? What does he know anyway?

3. My crying in my crib is not because I'm working towards becoming the next Broadway Danny Zuko from Grease, come pick me up woman!

4. When I unload in my pants the smile isn't because I'm happy, I'm laughing because you now have a mess to clean up, oh stable boy?!?

5. If you leave me anywhere, put me in a position, or make me sit in an apparatus for longer than 5 minutes, don't act surprised when I scream my guts out.

6. Quit giving me this crap you call "baby food," I want the real thing man. Steak, sushi, burgers, milkshakes, Sprite. None of this carrot, peas, sweet potato garbage.

7. When Daddy comes home, I need some male bonding with him. It's ok if we go into the other room and burp and fart together, it's what men do.

8. Can you please pick me out an outfit that doesn't have a dinosaur, dog, or other wildlife creature on it. What about some Carhartt, Cabelas, or Camo outfits mom, I'm a man!

9. Why you feel you have to put my hair in a fauxhawk after my bath is beyond me. I'm 5 months old, not 15 and sexually confused.

10. Mom, I really do love you. Sometimes I know I drive you crazy and make you cry, but it builds character.

Love,

Brody Joseph Hall

Always Late

Trying to keep with our Dave Ramsey, low-key, become debt-free plan, Blake and I had a very small but absolutely memorable Valentines Day. Blake got me roses, a book on motherhood, and a very thoughtful card with a heartfelt, congenial, hand-written paragraph inside. (If you know Blake, you know that this is really making him step outside his comfort zone, Hall men don't share feelings.) My mom came and got Brody and I made Blake a steak dinner. Blake doesn't read the blog, but, I felt this was a necessary post. I love you Blood Hound Doggy!

I Was So Careful

I was being so overly proactive by keeping Brody quarantined, but to no avail. He has the adenovirus. Yes, it's not RSV, but just as contagious and with a lot higher fever. Yesterday he was running temps in the 103s but today they have dropped significantly. In fact, he is almost his normal play with me, now I want to eat, let's sing songs, read stories, toys under the crib, no back to my walker, time to eat again, wait I want to be in the swing, hold up...now hold me, another snack, nope time to roll on the floor self. Dr. Church said it should last 5-7 days, but like I said, he is feeling significantly better. I took Brody on Friday to my moms school so he could deliver her a Valentine, and I am suspecting that is where he contracted said illness.

Second...eat your heart out Pottery Barn. Suck it Restoration Hardware. If this whole nursing thing fails I am willing to be hired by any interior decorating firm. Initially I thought this was a great idea to have a Brody wall in his room, but oh my gosh, pictures and frames are so stinking expensive. So unless you have Donald Trumpesque money lying around, don't try it.

Third, yesterday was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. This is seriously the only picture I have of them together in the same frame, from 4 years ago YIKES! They are heading off this weekend to celebrate 25 wonderful years together. I commented to Blake that it was my parents anniversary and he replied, "well I hope we make it to 25 years." What's that supposed to mean?!?

So Proud

This post is all about the real woman in charge, my mother. On Friday of last week she was recognized at the Utah State Senate and the Utah State House of Representatives for achieving her Certified National Board status as a teacher. Since Brody and I do not get out of house, ever, we decided to accompany her along with my brother Nate. The following is a list of reasons why my mom is 'da bomb dot com:

1. She cried when they read her name in both the House and Senate.

2. I cannot leave her home without her sending SOMETHING with me.

3. She watches Brody whenever I need/want her to.

4. Everything with her is about planning. She will have almost just as much fun planning a cruise as actually going on a cruise.

5. Growing up, we always went on vacation as a family. My parents never took a vacay just themselves, my mom always wanted us to experience things, learn things, go to museums, monuments, rivers, hotels.

6. She is an eternal optimist.

7. She was meant to be a teacher. She loves teaching and being a vice-principal. It was her career calling in life.

8. She makes everything a celebration. Graduations, births, deaths, holidays, birthdays, etc...

9. She loves little treats and giving little treats. Everytime we go to her house she has a new book for Brody that he adds to his collection.

10. She gave birth to me 23 years ago, and I am so lucky to be her daughter.

Fat and Frumpy

Last night I totally had a TAMN moment (for those who read seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com). I decided to go to both the 7:00 Zumba class and 8:00 Yoga class at the gym last night. I always work out better if I look cute (don't judge me) so I had done my hair and brushed on some bronzer so I looked hot and tan. I was wearing my Nike UnderArmour-esque top and matching stretchy pants. Lookin' good, or so I thought. After about 15 minutes of Zumba I was ready for the oxygen mask and wheelchair. It freakin kicked my butt. I look in the mirror, my face is bright red, my Nike-wicking shirt is covered in pitty and back sweat, my hair has now fallen down and so I pulled it up in a remenescent snot rag and just bucked up. At the end of the class I scraped myself up off the floor and went outside of the gym room to get a drink, when lo and behold, there's my high-school nemesis on the stationary bike.

When I say nemesis, you know the girl who's hair was always different every day, one day it was curly, the next day straight, perfect make-up, gorgeous Crest Whitestrips teeth, just a hair skinnier than you are, one more session in the tanning bed than you, designer clothes, brand new car, turtleneck and leather jacket girl, you disliked her so bad that you made-out with her boyfriend when she was off on a soccer trip girl. Yeah, that girl, sitting there on the stationary bike. Still practically perfect in every way. I made a point to say "hi" after we had already exchanged awkward glances and new exactly who each was. There I was, frumpy, fat, red-faced, sweat covered and she is Miss America on the stationary bike. To add insult to my already depressed psyche she made a judgement laiden, side glace, rolled eyes when I told her I had just had a baby. Guh. Total TAMN moment.

I looked like this.....

She looked like this...

For All You M*A*S*H* Fans Out There

Frank Burns Eats Worms! Brody started pulling this expression a few days ago, and the first thing I thought of was Farret Face with no lips.