Driving me to drink...

He looks so innocent...

The last two weeks has been crazy! In the movie Overboard, Goldie Hawn is stressed out after having totally cleaned and overhauled the house and the kids are throwing grapes at her face and she is saying, "bub ba bub bub ba bub." That's how I've felt the last couple of weeks. I am really trying to work on getting Brody on a schedule, this is what is causing me drink....Dr. Pepper. I love Dr. Pepper SO much, it really is my addiction. I tried when I was pregnant to only have one liter pop from the gas station every other week, but it really was once every week. There is a line from friends when Gunther takes a drag of Chandler's cigarette and says, "Oh dark mother, how I suckle at your teet," which totally describes my feelings towards Dr. Pepper. This was going great, I had lots of energy, I was a happier more pleasant wife, until.....I discovered, Brody does NOT like Dr. Pepper through breast milk. The days that I drank Dr. Pepper he was so onery, crying, screaming, whailing, whining. So, I had to axe the one thing in my life that was keeping me saine, the one "spoil" thing that really brings me happiness, for my child. Yet again, another sacrifice.

I was talking to a girl I work with on the phone and she told that it's ok to resent your baby. When you think about how your body is never going to look the same, your relationship with your husband will never be the same, your time is never your own, it's ok to be resentful. There are some days when I really just long for the days of scrapbooking all day, going to the gym when I want, not having to plan a 30 minute shopping trip for 4 hours prior to leaving the house. But then, all you have to do is look in the face of your baby, and your heart melts. I have never felt such instant love, and never thought that I could love a little person so much as I do with Brody. President Monson's talk in the Sunday morning session of conference was about change. Dealing with and accepting the changes in your life. That talk was an answer to prayers. Life is about changes, we're not supposed to be stagnant. You have to take changes, and have faith not knowing what your decisions and new adventures may bring. (Do I sound highly philosophical?)

Another funny story, my boss called me on Wednesday to ask me how I was doing postpartum. She actually called me from her cell phone on vacation with her family. This totally surprised me, because she is not like this at work. As we were talking she kept asking me if I was doing ok, that I didn't sound like myself, and how was I REALLY feeling. I guess that day I must have sounded stressed or suicidal or like I had postpartum depression, I don't know. But, I was flattered that even my boss would call to check on how I was doing.